I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
