Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am available for nakedness
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
