Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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