the condom got lost in my hair
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
