I seem to have left my pride at pride
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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