We're like a lot better than the average bears
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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