Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You're so nebulous sometimes
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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