i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
