i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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