if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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