How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
