I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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