Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
