pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
