I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
