bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
