I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Farmville is her only friend.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
