sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
