STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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