Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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