I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
