rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
