i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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