Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
