This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
