Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
