i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
