my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
