So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
