he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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