The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
