The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
