i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
