can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He felt like a one man threesome
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
