Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
