Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
