what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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