so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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