I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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