I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Please don't give away my fajitas
where are my eyebrows?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
