I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
