Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
