I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
