i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Congratulations! We have a period
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
