he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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