My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
