I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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