U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
