Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
