Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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