u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The uberlube is also flammable
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There's even glitter on my cock...
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