I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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