A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
