I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
