he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
