i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
