i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You're like the curious george of whores
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
